Through the Eyes of a Samurai
by Kyuuketsuki-san
Summary: This is a story set in the town of Miburo where the battle between Shinsengumi and Choushuu rages on. But who would have known most of the action occured in the Shimabara? HijixOC, rating may go up later.
1. The Death of Okaasan

**Chapter 1: The Death Okaa-san**

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"Toshi! Come here, my son!"

A young boy ran to his father. His brown, shoulder length hair was swept up into a ponytail and his eyes held all the expectations of an eager puppy.

"Yes father?"

The man beamed at his son and his wife did the same. "Today is the day!" He cried, puffing his chest out proudly and crossing his arms. Toshi tilted his head to one side enquiringly.

"Day? What day father?"

"Kyousuke-kun, just tell him!" Laughed Toshi's mother. Kyousuke grinned broadly and gestured to his son. Toshi moved towards his father and yelped in surprise as he was grabbed by the shoulders.

"Today is the day I teach you, Hijikata Toshi, the honourable way of the Samurai!" boomed Kyousuke, shaking Toshi's shoulders slightly. The boy blinked at him in bewilderment. Kyousuke's smile faltered a little. "Why aren't you jumping around with joy?"

His wife intervened. "Kyousuke-kun, don't you think he's a little young to be learning this sort of thing? The code of the Samurai is too severe for a boy of nine years."

Kyousuke snorted loudly and released Toshi from his grip. "Nonsense ! The boy is more than ready! Aren't you, my son?" He said, ruffling Toshi's hair and ignoring his protests. The nine year old wriggled away from his father, smoothing his hair down. His father laughed heartily as he got to his feet. "Come, Toshi!"

Both he and his son left the little house, and his wife watched them walk away with a smile on her face. Kyousuke was off to visit the young Kondo-san no doubt, since the man was a samurai and a well trained one at that. She sighed as she entered her home again. Kyousuke had always had this obsession with samurais, since he had never been one himself. He was a humble pharmacist that dutifully supplied the town with herbs and medicines for the sick. He had begun teaching his son Toshizo the names of herbs and medicinal plants already, as his own father had since the profession ran through the whole family, generation from generation.

But Kyousuke greatly admired the way of the samurai, and wished for his son to achieve what he never could. Become one. So, he had sought the guidance of the Kondo family, to who he had supplied herbs year after year, ever since he was a boy. The eldest son, Isami Kondo had offered to be Toshizo's Sensei in the way of the samurai and Kyousuke had readily agreed.

Toshizo's mother didn't really agree on his decision, no mother would want her son trained as a killer but her husband was so enthusiastic about the notion of their boy becoming a samurai that she kept her worries to herself and supported him.

She went to fetch tea for herself and set it on the low table, kneeling before it. She cleared her throat of an itch, and sipped at her tea slowly. She was afraid of not being able to watch her son grow, that was what it was, she wasn't worried about him becoming a samurai or anything of the sort. Her illness was steadily getting worse and although Kyousuke's medicine helped, it still wasn't a cure for this all consuming disease that threatened to snatch away her existence at any moment.

She coughed lightly as she lowered the cup from her lips. She rubbed at her throat. _Any day now_, she thought sadly,_ any day now Kyousuke-kun will find himself without a wife and Toshi without a mother._

And as if her inner sadness had triggered a reaction in her body, her shoulders began to heave and she coughed loudly, dropping the cup of tea on the floor where it smashed. She covered her mouth with her hands as the coughs racked through her delicate frame, a thin line of blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. She collapsed to her side, convulsing with the heaving coughs and she fought for air, she fought for a breath… one last breath.

_Any day now…_

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"Yes, I think young Toshi-kun will be ready in a few months, and then I'll begin to teach him the most basic of skills." Smiled Isami Kondo.

Toshi looked up at his father who beamed at him. Kyousuke bowed to the young Isami and got to his feet.

"I thank you, young Kondo for giving my son this opportunity."

"Think nothing of it, after all my family is a healthy one, thanks to your constant supplies of medicine."

"Thanks again." Said Kyousuke with a big smile and he left the house of the Kondo family with Toshizo.

"Father, does this mean I am to become a samurai?" asked the boy.

"Yes indeed, my son. I think this calls for a celebration! As soon as we return home I'll have your mother prepare our favourite meal."

He picked up the pace and his son followed eagerly behind.

As they neared the house the sun had already set and the sky was darkening. Kyousuke wondered why no candles had been lit inside. As he and his son walked closer Kyousuke strained to hear any sounds of movement coming from his home, but there were none. He suddenly feared the worst and telling his son to stay outside he dashed into the house and searched for his wife.

He found her. Lying on the floor beside a broken teacup and a bloodstained handkerchief, he found her. He rushed to her side and knelt down, using his hands to raise her up from the floor and into his arms.

"No…Yumi-kun…"

With a shaking hand he stroked the side of her cold, pale face, watching for any signs of life. He gingerly felt for a pulse in her throat. He heard nothing but silence. Such deafening silence. She was dead.

"Y-Yumi…please…come back to me…" he whispered, his voice beginning to crack. He knew she couldn't hear him and he knew she never would. She was gone and if he had only been there instead of at the home of Isami Kondo, he could have helped her. She could have been saved. Now it was all his fault.

Hot tears fell from his eyes and onto the cheeks of his beloved wife. He held her close and sobbed into her clothes, not hearing the footsteps of a child coming closer and closer.

"Okaa-san?"

Kyousuke lifted his head and turned to look at his son.

"Toshi! I thought I told you to wait outside!" he said harshly.

Toshizo took a step back in fear, he had never heard his father use that tone before. He then saw who his father held in his arms.

"O…kaa…san?"

Toshizo moved closer and reached out to touch his mother's face, bringing his hand back at the feel of cold skin. His father was crying. Something he never used to do and Toshizo was scared. What had happened to his mother?

"Toshi…" Kyousuke gasped between sobs, "Your mother is gone."

And Hijikata Toshizo began to cry.

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The death of Hijikata Yumi affected the town greatly, she was well loved and always cared for the sick, delivering much needed medicine. There was a sense of great irony to her death, the wife of a pharmacist who had succumbed to an illness that no medicine of that time could cure. Tuberculosis was a terrible, terrible thing.

A part of Kyousuke had died with her. He was less cheerful, his hearty laughs were seldom heard and his enthusiasm had all but diminished. He thought himself completely at fault for his wife's passing, even now seven years later, he was constantly reminding himself why she had died. Not even his sixteen year old son Hijikata Toshizo could comfort him.

Hijikata trained almost everyday with Isami Kondo, who was not so young now but had the reputation of an honourable samurai all throughout the town. Kondo was a kind of mentor to the young Hijikata who had given up hope of ever bringing his father out of his constant grieving. Hijikata greatly missed his mother but he had learned to move on, something his father hadn't managed to do. His mother's death hadn't completely left his mind though, as he worked with his father on making medicine. Hijikata wanted to find a cure for the disease that had killed her and he often spent late nights, mixing, crushing and boiling herbs to find a solution.

Many late nights meant that he was not always on top form on training days. Isami Kondo noticed this and tried lifting the boy's spirits in order to make him train harder. Hijikata was tired almost all the time and this exhaustion made him gloomy and reflective.

In his spare time he would compose. Simple haikus that held profound significance for him. He hid his poetry books from his father, who had gotten possibly more obsessed with his becoming a samurai and could get easily angered at anything that would be a distraction. Kyousuke encouraged anything that had to do with being a warrior, on Hijikata's twelfth birthday he even gave him a small katana with the word 'HiTo' engraved on the blade. Hijikata Toshizo. The sword was more like a dagger though and he often reminded his son that one day he might have to commit seppuku, thus expressing the wish for his son to use the small katana in that ceremony. Hijikata couldn't help shuddering as he imagined killing himself.

One bright morning Hijikata was occupied scribbling down a haiku when he heard his father's footsteps nearing his room. He was probably coming to wake his son for another day of training with Kondo-san. Hijikata hastily slid the poetry book and ink brush beneath his pillow and slid further down his futon to make his father believe he was sleeping. He heard the shoji screen being pulled open.

"Toshi!" His father barked. "Wake up boy, you have training!"

Hijikata slowly got up and dressed himself, leaving the room under his father's stern gaze. Kyousuke was about to go as well when he thought he saw something peeking out of his son's pillow. He walked over and knelt beside the futon pulling out what seemed to be a small book. He flicked through it, his eyes falling upon the haikus his son had no doubt composed. He clutched the poetry book tightly in his hand and he got to his feet, marching to the front room where Hijikata quietly sipped his tea. He stopped in front of the low table in the middle of the room where Hijikata was sitting at and he threw the book upon it.

Hijikata looked at it and swallowed.

"What is this?" Kyousuke asked in a dangerously calm tone.

Hijikata looked up at him, challenging his gaze. "It's a book."

"I know it's a book!" Kyousuke spat. "It's a _poetry_ book!"

Hijikata said nothing.

"Poetry is for homosexuals! My son is training to be a _samurai_! He is not a homosexual!"

Hijikata became angered. "Of course I'm not, father! I compose because that's my way of expressing myself! I don't keep it bottled up inside, I'm not like you father! Why can't you accept that Okaa-san is not coming back?"

"Silence, boy!" cried Kyousuke, knocking the tea from the table with his hand. Hijikata flinched.

"I am no longer an infant, father." Hijikata said quietly. He watched his father breathe heavily. Kyousuke stared into the eyes of his sixteen year old son.

"But you're not yet a man, Toshi."

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"Come now Toshi! You can do better than that!" cried Kondo-san as Hijikata was once again knocked to the ground. Kondo walked up to the sixteen year old and helped him up. They sat by a well and had a cooling drink of water. Kondo turned to Hijikata.

"What's bothering you, Toshi?"

Hijikata looked at Kondo-san and then shook his head. Kondo chuckled.

"Toshiiii…you're one of the best students I have ever taught, your skills are progressing greatly and you have a lot of potential. I can tell when something is on your mind because I manage to knock you down which is almost impossible to do on one of your normal days. So tell me, what is it?"

Hijikata sighed deeply. "My father…is taking me to the Shimabara." He said, lowering his head.

Kondo burst into peals of hearty laughter, slapping Hijikata on the back and almost causing him to lose his balance.

"To…the…Shimabara?" he gasped, and he threw his head back and laughed some more. Hijikata was now feeling greatly embarrassed.

When Kondo calmed down he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder reassuringly.

"Your father wants the best for you. And now he wants to make you a man. There is nothing you should be ashamed about."

Hijikata stared at the ground. "But what if I don't want to be a man yet? I don't think I'm ready for…for…"

Kondo chuckled and removed his hand. "Don't worry about that." He bent his head lower to Hijikata's. "Don't tell anyone but I was scared when my father took me there for the first time." He whispered.

Hijikata said nothing, but he felt a bit better knowing that his mentor and friend had confided something like that in him. Kondo walked to the other end of the yard and held up his bamboo stick.

"Alright, Toshi. Try and hit me."

Hijikata gripped his stick tightly and charged.

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A/N okay, this is something very new and I'm not sure about how it will finish but I'm hoping for some reviews at least before I get the story on full throttle. I know this chapter was a little short but that's how I start all my stories. It's like a sort of test, to see how people will respond to it. Please read and review!


	2. A Night at the Shimabara

I'mback! I didn't receive as many reviews as I would have liked but then I realized I should probably write a bit more to get people interested. Thank you to those who did review: **Bandit-sama** and **sumperson**. Love yas! Here's another chapter!

**Chapter 2: A Night At the Shimabara**

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Seven years before Hijikata was to be taken to the Shimabara by his father, a few days before the death of Hijikata Yumi, a little girl was found stealing food on the street. Her name was Sara…Aoki Sara.

Her parents had died when she was very young, leaving her with nothing and nowhere to go. Her home was the street, and she stole what little food she could to get by. Only this time, she had been caught.

"Little girl! You must pay for that! Come back here!" cried the shopkeeper as he saw the girl make off with one of his fresh dumplings.

Sara dashed out of the shop, unaware of the route she was taking and crashed into a middle aged woman who was accompanied by two beautiful young girls. Sara fell to the ground and the dumpling was lost. The woman she had bumped into dusted off her kimono with graceful flicks of the hand and she looked down her nose at the girl on the ground.

"Watch where you're going brat!"

Sara cringed at the harsh tone and got to her feet, looking up at the lady with tearful eyes. The woman narrowed her eyes and bent closer to Sara. The girl's heart pounded with fear. Was she going to be punished?

The lady grasped Sara's chin with her long fingers and peered at the dirty little face in front of her. What she saw were large grey eyes, a little nose and a delicate heart shaped face framed with tangled black hair that needed washing. She saw potential, and she saw herself making money.

"Hmmm…" the woman said, "This girl…I suspect that when the filth is washed from her face, she could be quite pretty. She has a certain…natural beauty. Don't you think?" she asked the young women that stood by her. They both nodded. The lady grabbed Sara by the scruff of the neck and pulled her roughly along.

"Come child, we will scrub all that grime from you and then you will work. You will work hard and not cause any trouble. Do you understand?" She said severely, shaking the girl slightly. Sara nodded, her eyes wide.

Sara was only eight, but she now realized that this woman would make life difficult for her, she knew this from the moment she mentioned the word 'work'. Sara had never worked in her life, all she did was sleep, steal and wander. But this life was over, a new future was on the horizon.

The woman and her two female companions walked briskly and Sara had trouble keeping up since her little feet were bare and the dirt from the ground had stones that bit into her heels. But she didn't complain, she had endured worse in her short life.

They reached a big house and as they entered, an atmosphere of drunken bliss greeted them. The front room was filled with men, drinking sake by the jarful and chasing women around. Sara was unused to this behaviour and she unconsciously hid behind the middle aged lady. But the woman pulled her out and led her across the front room and along the corridors to the wash rooms. Inside she had one of the girls there strip Sara of her rags and scrub her clean of the filth that covered her little body. Then the lady left.

Sara shuddered as cold water was poured over her head and she winced as a rough cloth was passed over her body. The teenager who was washing her gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry if the water's cold, I'd warm it but that would mean wasting good firewood." She said as she scrubbed. She smiled at Sara warmly. "My name is Yuki but everyone calls me Nee-chan. What's your name?"

"S-Sara."

"Well, nice to have you here with us, Sara-chan."

"Wh-who i-is th-that lady?" stuttered Sara, teeth chattering.

Yuki stopped scrubbing and poured more water over Sara before wrapping her up in a thick cloth.

"Oh, her? We call her Kaa-san."

"Kaa-san?"

"Yes, because she's like a mother to all of us here."

"Here?"

Yuki looked at Sara, blinking. "Don't you know where you are?" she asked. Sara shook her head. Should she?

Yuki smiled. "This is the Shimabara, and you're the new addition to our family."

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For seven years she had worked, slaving away for Kaa-san during the day, and serving drunkards at night. She had gotten used to this life and it would have been difficult had it not been for Nee-chan. Yuki had indeed been a like a sister to her and she greatly appreciated all of her help.

Sara knew all that went on in the Shimabara. She knew what was in store for her in the near future. She knew what Kaa-san was preparing her for and why she had been plucked from the street and into that house.

She was to entertain men and all of their fantasies. That was why the Shimabara existed, it was a house full of women to fuel men's desires. Sara had accepted this as something that had already been laid out for her. She knew of no other life than the one she was living. At times she would feel something akin to despair, a growing frustration that she couldn't express out loud. When she felt like this, she would usually 'borrow' pieces of paper and using Nee-chan's ink brush she would write small verses that embraced nature but consisted in things she was experiencing, greatly appreciating Nee-chan for taking the time to teach her how to write. A person who read the verses would imagine the author to be one who greatly appreciated scenery and life in general but only Sara understood the underlying significance of her poems. She had first learnt of haikus when she overheard a conversation between one of the regular clients, who was a poet, and Nee-chan while they were in a room. Sara had absorbed all this information and put it to use, often looking to the moon for guidance and inspiration. She would always stuff the papers inside her kimonos and folding the garments meticulously before storing them in her wooden chest, not sure what anyone would think if they found them.

She turned fourteen that year and her body was already blossoming into that of a young woman's. Her curves were becoming more and more apparent with each passing day and her face held all the promise of youth. But she was still a child and therefore not ready for the real world. The real world of men.

She could not help feeling apprehensive of them, ever since she had seen a man leave Nee-chan's room during the early hours of the morning and hearing whimpers of pain escape the open shoji screens.

Of course what a man and a woman did together had been explained to her but she had no idea that it was supposed to hurt. Nee-chan never complained though, she would hide it carefully and say everything was fine. But Sara knew everything was not.

It was strange, Nee-chan acted like a happy adolescent around Sara but late at night when the men were getting drunk she would see a different Nee-chan, an older Nee-chan who would bat her eyelashes and smile alluringly and seduce. This Nee-chan had her face painted white and her lips red and was dressed in an extravagant kimono with floral decorations in her hair, making her more attractive to men. Sara understood that in order to stay at the Shimabara, with a bed and regular meals, it was necessary to have clients who were willing to pay for a night of…enjoyment. The money would go to Kaa-san and it would be used for expenses like food, clothing and the like.

Sara was well aware of the whole business at Shimabara, yet she was still innocent. A lot of men had caught glimpses of her and had asked for her but Kaa-san firmly told them no. Well, not yet anyway.

One afternoon however, when Sara was bathing herself in the washrooms she spotted a trail of a dark red substance swirl down the drains. She realized that she herself was the source and had become very frightened. Wrapping herself in a cloth she ran to Nee-chan's room and amidst sobs, told her she was bleeding to death. Nee-chan seemed alarmed for a moment and then understood that Sara was going through her first menstruation and she comforted the near hysteric girl. After Sara was dressed in her kimono, Nee-chan took her to Kaa-san and left her there.

Kaa-san was told about Sara's menstruation beforehand and she stared at the young girl kneeling in front of her.

"You know what this means, don't you, Sara."

Sara didn't nod or anything, she was well aware of what it meant but too scared to admit it because it made it more real.

"You are ready."

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Hijikata was growing increasingly more anxious as the day went by and as he walked closer to his house after training he could almost taste his own dread. The sun had set, the stars were in the sky and Kyousuke was probably waiting inside for his son to arrive.

Hijikata took smaller steps, delaying the trip to the Shimabara as much as possible but it was of no use because his father had already heard him and was already coming out to greet him.

"Have something to eat my son, you'll need your strength."

Hijikata almost said 'for what?' but he refrained, and he entered the house in silence. After his meal he went to his room and changed his kimono, tying his small katana to his side because he knew his father would approve. He was about to leave the room when he remembered his haikus. He went to his futon and pulled out the only book that his father hadn't found and burnt and he tucked it inside his kimono for good luck.

He met his father outside the house and together they travelled to the Shimabara.

Hijikata's anxiety grew as he and his father approached the entrance. They were greeted by a young woman with her face painted white and her hair done up with elaborate decorations. She welcomed them inside and asked if they had made a previous appointment. Kyousuke told her that they hadn't and she asked them to wait in the front room while she fetched the woman that owned the business, Kaa-san.

Hijikata stared at his surroundings, men getting drunk and acting outrageously, chasing after the women who were no better, giggling and moving provocatively. Finally the young woman returned with Kaa-san.

"You have made no appointments, am I right?" Kaa-san inquired.

"Yes." Confirmed Kyousuke. He then nodded in his son's direction. "But I'll be in need of one girl…for my son, you see."

Kaa-san looked Hijikata up and down. She had just the girl for him.

"Yes, I believe we have one girl for him tonight." She said shortly. Hijikata was not happy when he heard that.

"Tell me," said Kyousuke, "Is she experienced? Because my son isn't."

Hijikata burned with embarrassment, why was his father doing this?

"She's just starting tonight actually."

"Ah." Said Kyousuke. "Aren't there any more-"

"None of the other girls are available right now." Kaa-san said brusquely.

Kyousuke recognised defeat and he nodded. "Very well then. Toshi, go with her. I'll be waiting outside."

"Father, you really don't expect me to-"

"Yes I do Toshi, and I'll be waiting outside." Kyousuke said in a final tone. Hijikata sighed and watched his father leave.

"Come with me." Kaa-san ordered. Hijikata followed her up the stairs to the second floor and walked behind her as they passed the rooms. They reached the second to last room and Kaa-san told him to wait there for a moment. He nodded and she slid back the shoji door, let herself in and closed it behind her.

"Sara, I have a client waiting for you out on the corridor."

Sara looked up from her kneeling position. Her face was white, like the others and her lips looked like a budding rose. She was dressed in a simple silk kimono and her hair was adorned with a trail of small white flowers. She looked very beautiful…and afraid.

"Kaa-san, I don't, I 'm not-"

"Nonsense Sara, just remember what we've taught you and you'll be fine. In any case, the client I've brought for you is young. That will make it a little easier for you."

Sara fought back tears. She really didn't want to do this. She was still a child and no matter how young the client was it would never make things any easier. She lowered her head and waited for Kaa-san to bring him into the room.

"This way, young man."

Sara slowly looked up and in the dim light of her room she gazed upon the figure of a sixteen year old boy, with long brown hair that was swept up into a ponytail. Even in the faint candle light, she could tell he was handsome, after all, she could see he was already very tall and well built.

Hijikata stood awkwardly in the doorway, not knowing what to do or say. All he did was stare at the young girl kneeling beside the futon in the middle of the room. He hadn't expected her to be so young, he had been sure that he was being taken to the room of an older woman, one at least in her twenties. He couldn't say he felt relieved, he just felt a little more at ease.

Kaa-san retreated from the room and closed the shoji screen, leaving the two alone in the room. Hijikata just stood there for a while, wrought with nerves. He watched the girl, who had her head lowered, making it difficult for him to catch a glimpse of her face. He wondered what she was thinking, was she as nervous as he was? In any case, he decided to make the first move.

He took tentative steps towards her and he knelt down before her. He noticed she was trembling, as he was. Wanting to keep his mind off what they were about to do, he tried to engage her in simple conversation.

"My…father brought me here. I didn't really want to come but he is so obsessed with making me a man that he forced me."

The girl lifted her head to look at him and Hijikata's breath caught in his throat. In the darkness of the room he saw she was beautiful, despite the fear that lay in her large grey eyes. She looked no more than fourteen or fifteen years old and Hijikata wondered how anyone with such promise could willingly work in a place like the Shimabara. Seeing that she didn't want to speak, he continued.

"Is this…your first time also?"

She gazed at him with terrified eyes and nodded.

"I think I'm as scared as you are." He said and he began to fidget with the small katana at his side. He saw her looking at it and he untied it from his kimono and showed it to her.

"My father gave me this. He wants me to become a samurai." He said, placing the katana on the floor and sighing. "I don't know what I want."

"Maybe you should tell him what you want, then he might understand." Said the girl in a quiet voice. Hijikata looked at her in surprise. He then nodded.

"Maybe."

They sat in silence, listening to the footsteps out on the corridor. Hijikata heard the girl give a shaky sigh.

"We should…probably…" she began, unable to finish the sentence. Hijikata nodded.

"Yes. My father is waiting for me outside."

Sara moved closer to Hijikata, trying to ignore the somersaults in her stomach and gently touched his kimono. She had a feeling he wouldn't want to disrobe completely so with slow movements and trembling fingers, she parted the lower section of his kimono.

Hijikata held his breath as her cool fingers brushed over his manhood. No one had ever touched him there before and the feeling was making his blood rush to places he never knew blood rushed to. He was astounded at how his body was reacting to her touch, astounded at how his member was twitching and coming to life beneath her fingers.

Sara heard him begin to breathe harder as she repeated the movements and when she stopped he let out a strangled groan, wanting her to continue. She lay back upon the futon and gently pulled him down with her. She didn't want to remove her kimono so she merely opened the lower part instead, as she had done with Hijikata. She was aware of the fact that she was the only one in the room who knew what to do, given that she had been taught by experienced women. She would have to guide Hijikata through the whole process.

Preparing herself for the inevitable, Sara gripped Hijikata's waist with her thighs and reaching down, she guided his stiff member towards her opening. Hijikata gasped at her touch and buried his face in her neck to muffle his groans as he began to feel himself enter her. Her hand released him and found it's way around his neck to grab a better hold. He slowly pushed himself in, clenching his teeth at the tightness and the pressure and closing his eyes. He suddenly felt his member break through some kind of barrier inside of her and he heard her cry out in pain. He opened his eyes immediately and looked down at her in concern. Tears were streaming from her eyes and her expression was one of extreme pain.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, genuine regret in his tone. Sara shook her head, her sobs subsiding.

"Please, just finish." She whispered, gripping his waist tightly and shutting her eyes to try and forget the pain.

Hijikata wasn't sure what to do next, but something told him he should move. He gently pulled himself halfway out of her and then slowly thrust back in. Almost instinctively he continued the movement, aware that he was causing her a lot of hurt and wanting to get it over with as soon as possible.

He groaned at the tightness, feeling pressure build up inside him, threatening to explode but he kept going despite the moans of pain and the whimpers that escaped Sara's lips. He wanted to end it quickly, more for her sake than for his. He felt the pressure reach his peak and then he experienced something he never had in his whole life, an exploding of sensations that almost blinded him with their force. He groaned loudly and his arms nearly gave way but he was careful not to collapse on top of Sara. The sensation was over as quick as it began and he very carefully slid out of her, earning a gasp from the girl and he rolled to one side of the futon trying to get his breath back.

When his pants had subsided into steady breaths he turned his head to look at Sara. She was lying with her back to him, curled up and with her shoulders heaving ever so slightly. He could tell she was crying. He reached out to touch her and the feel of his hand made her wince as though it were something red hot. Hijikata pulled his hand back.

"I'm sorry."

Sara slowly turned to face him, wincing as the pain between her legs made itself felt.

"It's not your fault." She told him quietly.

They lay like that in silence for a few moments. Hijikata slowly raised himself into a sitting position and adjusted his kimono, while Sara lay there staring at him.

"I must leave…My father will be waiting for me."

Sara nodded in understanding. Hijikata got to his feet, as did Sara but she immediately experience a terrible shooting pain in her lower abdomen and inner thighs, making her knees buckle and she stumbled into Hijikata. He grabbed her firmly, preventing her from crashing to the floor and she just fell against his chest.

"Are you alright?" He asked, peering at her face which was barely visible in the dimness of the room. He felt her nod and he slowly let go of her, almost hesitantly, as if afraid she would keel over.

Sara was grateful for his concern, she could tell he was a good person and good people were hard to find. However painful the event had been, she was glad it was with him because he had been gentle and careful with her. As she had often heard from the other women, first encounters with clients could be excruciatingly painful, especially when they were drunk. But this one was just a boy and he had been as scared as she was, he was concerned for her and this made her feel strangely warm inside. She had been told not to expect kindness or indeed gentleness from clients, they were only there to have a good time.

Sara walked towards the chest where she kept her kimonos and as she passed the open shutters she glanced up at the moon. She was aware of Hijikata's eyes following her and she gazed out the open shutters for longer. She moved to the chest and she bent down to open it when she heard his voice.

"May I ask your name?"

She purposefully didn't answer his question, remembering the very first thing Kaa-san had taught her. _Never reveal yourself to your client, it will make them become attached to you and before you know it I'll have one girl less to work for me_. What she meant was less money coming in and more girls running off to get married to their clients. Sara was determined to at least do her first job right. She rummaged through her kimonos until she found a small scrap of paper with one of her verses. She stood up and walked up to Hijikata.

The candle lit lamps were burning out, only the faint light of the moon illuminated their faces and Sara held out the piece of paper to Hijikata.

"What is this?" He asked, receiving it. Sara watched him. He was indeed handsome, and just looking at him was making her feel things that she had never felt before. She concentrated instead on the piece of paper. It was something she had written one warm spring day as she accompanied Nee-chan to buy some groceries. She had been staring at the cherry trees and their branches laden with light pink blossoms sway even though no breeze was present. How could she not feel inspired by something that she felt was bursting with beauty?

"I…I wrote it." Sara said, feeling a little timid sharing something so personal with him. She then realized that she had already done the most intimate thing a person could do with him so showing him one of her private verses seemed like something so small and trivial in comparison.

She sensed his eyes on her and she concentrated harder on the paper.

"You wrote it?"

"Yes."

Hijikata moved to the open shutters and let the moonlight shine on the verse so that he could read it.

_Hisakata ni_

_Hikari nodokeki_

_Haru no hi ni_

_Shizu kokoro naku_

_Hana no Chiruramu…_

_(This perfectly still spring day_

_Bathed in the soft light _

_From the spread out sky,_

_Why do the cherry blossoms_

_So restlessly scatter down?)_

Hijikata raised his head and turned around to look at Sara. "This is beautiful."

Sara blushed and gazed at her feet, giving thanks that it was dark and that he wouldn't be able to see. She saw him move away from the shutters and walk closer to her, pulling something out from his kimono. She heard a ripping sound and felt him take her hand and place a piece of paper in her palm.

"What is-?"

"You don't have to read it now," he said hastily, wanting to leave already because he had just spotted his father on the street below looking very impatient and he didn't want him to be angered any further. Hijikata moved to the shoji door and looked back at Sara with an expression impossible to identify in the darkness.

"It's just something small, it's not much but I want you to have it to show that I'm really sorry about afflicting you so."

Sara opened her mouth to tell him not to worry and that she was fine but he was already sliding open the shoji screen and stepping out onto the corridor. As soon as the screen was closed she hurried to the open shutters and watched him leave the Shimabara with the man that was apparently his father. The young man looked back at the house for a moment and then continued onwards.

Sara sighed. She held up the piece of paper he had given her and squinted at what was written on it. _It's a poem!_ She thought excitedly, lifting it up into the moon light.

_Hana wa chiri_

_Sono iro to naku_

_Nagamureba_

_Munashiki sora ni_

_Harusame zo furu_

_(The blossoms have fallen_

_I stare blankly at a World_

_Bereft of colour;_

_In the wide vacant sky_

_The spring rains are falling.)_

Sara's heart pounded in her chest. No one had ever given her anything before and especially not poetry. She decided that she liked this boy very much. She walked over to her futon but not before placing the piece of paper in one of her kimonos inside the chest. She sat down and began to organize the bedding for a chance at sleep that night when she heard a clatter as she shook out the sheets. She grabbed one of the few candles that were left with flame and searched for the source of the noise, finding a small katana.

She gasped and stood up, about to make a dash for the shoji screen before she realized that she had no knowledge of who the boy was, not his name nor his whereabouts. She clutched the knife to her chest and returned to her futon, wondering what she should do.

Nothing. She would do nothing. She knew the chances of seeing him again were close to none but she would keep the katana in the meantime. She laid her head upon the pillow and gazed at the small sword. She carefully drew it out from its sheath and in the dim light of the candle and of the moon she stared at the blade. Holding it closer to her face she made out a word that was engraved on the part of the blade nearest to the hilt.

"HiTo." She said out loud. Was it a surname? His surname? Or maybe initials? She had no way of telling. She carefully sheathed the katana and lay it down beside her head. She wanted to see him again and she didn't know why, she just hoped their paths would cross some time soon. She turned to her side, ignoring the tweaks of pain between her legs.

She stared at the katana for a long time before she finally fell asleep.

OooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOoo

A/N: I know Hijikata is extreeeemely OOC but I absolutely promise that will finish by the next chapter. Anyway I doubt he was a demon when he was young, isn't it? Please read and review!


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